I just had two beers in a bar, my friend is shocked but is smiling. He's asking me why am I doing this. We also meet one of my Seniors from college (a great dancer) but I didn't reveal anything to my friend who's asking me 'Is there a problem'. He's shocked because I do not drink, I'm a teetotaller (hmm). I had come to pick him from the bus-stop after his work. He has travelled for around 3 hours and hence he's happy to have a beer after a tiring day. He's double happy because I have taken him to the bar and is giving him company. Just like any beginner I'm very fast and gulped down both the bottles of beer very fast.
I don't exactly recall if it was me who drove home or he drove me home. But I remember he wasn't a good driver and I told him that I might not be fit enough to drive. After coming home we both walk toward the back portion of this house where we had rented out a 2bhk 2 floor apartment. We are bachelors staying in a rented house while doing our Master's in this city. Only the friend who took me to the bar is working and other 4 of us are students. But we all studied Engineering together in the same college before 3 of us joined the same college for Master's. The 5th one is the youngest and is a new friend from our current college. Me and the youngest one live upstairs and the other 3 live downstairs with a common Kitchen.
This rented house is in a somewhat expensive residential area and the landlord stays in the same building with her husband who is retired (Pilot as I remember). The terrace / balcony in the first floor has a view to the landlord's window and hence any loud noise in our house would be easily heard by them. But this particular day they aren't at home I guess.
As I come home I'm walking fast in the front and my friend is happy and joining me behind. I walk towards one of my friend who has been the closest friend I ever had and started asking him 'What's your problem ? why don't you talk with me ?'. My other 2 friends in the room now get an idea what's happening because they know things were not right between us for quite a few days / weeks now. We go to college, comeback together but there has been a very clear gap. All his friends became my friends in the last few years, he has been the reason I started speaking to all these guys and they are very deep in my life. I even used to give more preference to this friendship more than my family.
While I was questioning my friend, the news was out that I'm drunk and acting weird this evening. So my other friends try to give us some space to clear things out between us two. But he's annoyed at my behaviour and says there's not problem between us. Till date I do not have a clear answer why he started distancing himself from me. If I can recall from my memory it might be the appreciation that I got from my college for all the presentations from my class and faculty. I put minimal effect but gets appreciated but he puts a lot of effort but is always goes under appreciated. I hang out with a different set of friends and he with a different set, but in the evening we all come together to the same place. But he was always my number one happiness and priority (which might not have been obvious those days). Now for some reason when he didn't answer I started crying around sitting in that room and started blabbering. He tried to calm me down and when nothing worked he walked out of the door. I don't remember what happened later. But the next day he asked me what might someone have thought if they had seen or listened me crying like that at night. I didn't have answer.
In the next few weeks, we moved out of that house and went our separate ways. He didn't answer me why he distanced himself from me, nor do I recall any specific instance that I might have made him feel that way. Although the above sounds awfully weird and I've written how bad I had behaved that that night, I should say things had been weirder than this between us in a good way. We used to be good friends knowing each other inside out and appeared inseparable which had made people envy our friendship. But here it all went away just in the matter of 1 year.
Till day I remember this incident because I feel embarrassed when I recall this. I've never allowed someone to have this kind of impact in my life nor did I showed by most vulnerable self like this apart from my family. But this changed me completely. It took years for me to come out of this and leave it alone. I became so picky before I chose to become close to someone or call them a friend.
As I write this I'm very happy with my life in whatever I have achieved in terms or relationship and financially. Friendships start from unexpected meetings and unexpected places. I've come to understand that relationships and friendships end just like that without any reason and we need to accept it as it is and move on with our life. There might not be a logical reason why someone doesn't feel connected with you. It might appear a painful moment but always remember that the next beautiful friendship or relationship is just around the corner and the one you leave behind is a lesson thrown to you by this wonderful thing called life.
A Day in 2012
Chennai, India
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